A Final Breath (Two Snippets of Angst)
by StarriiNights
Summary: Ch.3. Dan has attachment issues Mentions of blood, cursing, and violent thoughts. ANGST. THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING. Only for some, Might add more. Have fun because I cried.
1. Chapter 1

**Two Worlds Apart**

"I know you're hurting Dan,"

Phil pounded on Dan's door once. His voice shook with emotion and his bright blue eyes glistened with painful tears as they streaked down his red cheeks. His nails dug into the door, almost as a way to ground himself from the current emotions that swam in his gut. His voice croaked as he spoke quietly to Dan through the door.

"Dan please…I'm trying to fix this, just let me try to-"

A loud sob erupted from inside the door and Phil's ears strained to hear the small chortles of muffled crying. His heart painfully constricted in his chest at the thought of Dan crying all afternoon- worst of all, he knew deep down it was his fault.

 _I don't know how to tell you I'm in love with you_

 **You Are (Were) the Best Thing in My Life**

"God dammit Dan, why can't you act normally in social situations?" The sentence that spewed out of Phil's mouth and it was too quick to take it back. The effect was immediate and both Dan and Phil took a step away from each other as the words finally settled in both of their hearts.

Dan lowered his eyesight to the floor and he stuffed his hands in his pickets to stop his asking fists. He knew that if he were to open his mouth he knew he might say something he'll regret at the moment.

 _Freak_

 _Useless_

 _Why the hell are you even alive?_

Dan looked up to meet Phil's eyes. The eyes he once enjoyed seeing were wide and filled with regret and unbridled fire behind them rather than the usual fondness that was usually reserved for him. His eyesight started to blur and without a warning, tears started to flood down his face.

 _Please don't go_

 _Don't let me stay alone_

 _We're supposed to be best friends_

Dan sank to the floor and crimped onto the tile. Panic floored his body and he started to gasp for air as he clutched his chest. Phil immediately fell to his side, his heart in his throat. Dan curled up in a fetal position and Phil put aside what he felt for Dan to help him through this. He had never seen one of his attacks affect him so badly before. Dan on the other hand, he gripped his hair like it was a lifeline and his iron tight grip was ripped apart form Phil.

Dan sewn shut eyes suddenly opened and when he did, he saw an ocean of blue swirls in Phil's eyes. The specks of gold and green he saw in his eyes startled him and stunned him enough for Phil to wrap his arms around Dan and squeeze him tightly. Phil's chest was ripped opened when he saw Dan visibly shake because of the hug.

Dan quietly sobbed as he snaked his pale arms around Phil.

 _Just don't let go of me_

 _Say you won't leave me_

 _I know I'm selfish, but I loved you since I was 18_

 _I can't lose you now-_

 _Not when I need you the most_

"Dan.."

"..yes Phil?"

"I…I can't d-do this anymore more oh god"

"Phil without you I'm nothing, you can't expect me not to cry."

"…"

"I have to let you go Dan"

"You don't get it Phil..."

"YOU DON'T! I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS"

"…"

"I'm sorry..."

Phil dropped his head and he got up and left the sobbing Dan behind, gently shutting the door behind him as he walked out of the apartment. Tears streamed down his face as he pulled out the phone to contact the unknown number. He dialed it and in an agonizing silence when it picked up, he whispered:

" _There, is that you wanted you bastard?"_

The voice chuckled and responded with a deep "yes" and in a shaky tone Phil asked another question.

"And you won't hurt him anymore will you; you'll leave him alone if I go?"

The voice chuckled. "The damage you've done to him is more than I could've ever done to him physically, you broke him better than I could ever have."

Phil hung up with a shaking finger. His whole body shook and as he walked down the street, his world crumpled beneath his feet.

 _Dan_

 _His laugh_

 _My sunshine_

 _My best friend_

 _Is there anything else I could've done?_

 _God how can I live with myself after this?_

Phil's feet came to a stop.

 _I trust you more than myself Phil..._

 _You dork I'll always stay by your side_

 _You make me feel special Phil_

 _Your smile's the best Phil_

 _I never had a best friend for the first 18 years of my life...until I met you Phil_

Phil was running before he knew it. The tears that flowed down from his cheeks stung from the cold winter that settled upon the city. He didn't feel it. he didn't feel anything at all. The pounding of his feet was all that reached his ears as he ran back to the place where he called home. With Dan.

 _Oh god Dan I'm so sorry_

.

.

.

.

.

In the end, Phil should've known what he had caused would have repercussions.

He kicked the door down when he found it locked. He jiggled and when he heard no sounds he panicked and channeled whatever strength he had form the adrenaline to kick the door down with all the force he had.

"DAN!"

Phil screamed as he ran around the apartment looking for him. His mind was numb from fright.

 _Oh god he fucked up_

 _Dan..._

Phil started to cry when he couldn't find him. The apartment was tossed and turned by his whirlwind of motion.

He pulled out his phone to call 999 when he heard a thump. Fearing the best and worst, he quickly made his way to the direction of the sound and he came upon the door. His hand shaking he gently pulled open the door.

"Oh god Dan I'm so sorry for what I did, I have something to tell y-"

Red.

Blood red.

That' all Phil saw.

His body shut down as he neared the person on the floor with the blood surrounding him. The face was laid down to the floor but there's no way that Phil can be mistaken.

"Oh god...Dan."Phil cupped his hand to quit from vomiting when he flipped Dan over to his front to see his beat up face and the gash wound on his stomach. He gently cupped his head and laid him on his lap, tears falling freely down his face. His sobs wracked his body as he held Dan's body. He did't know when the screaming started but it stopped when he felt a hand twitch and a head press harder against his stomach.

Phil sharply looked down to see Dan and his _beautiful, beautiful_ chocolate brown eyes. Phil had never seen much a more beautiful sight.

 _Phil...I'm sorry_

Phil intook a quick breath. "D-Dan... of fuck I was trying to p-protect you, I couldn't tell you because then they would've taken you-u!" Phil hiccuped.

Dan placed his hand on top of his.

 _I'm sorry I never told you how much you mean to me_

 _Not a day goes by without me thinking how grateful I am for having you..._

Phil stumbled to his phone. "Dan there's gonna be a chance to tell me this I just gotta call 999 and then you'll be s-safe and then we can spend anime mornings all together ok?" Phil sagged in relief as the monotone voice responded through the phone.

"My friend as been stabbed in the stomach, oh god I don't know what to do-there's so much blood-"

Dan let out a hacking sound and Phil's eyes widened as blood poured out of his mouth and speck the floor. Phil let his phone drop to catch Dan from hacking anymore. Dan started to tear up because of the pain and the blood that rushed out of his gash pooled onto Phil's shirt. All his attention was on the most important person of his life.

 _Phil please let me speak before I die_

Phil refused to give up. he shook his head. "We're gonna get you help, just hold on a bit long-"

 _Phil you spork I love you and before I..die I want you to know you made my life worth living_

Fresh tears made an appearance on Phil's face.

"Dan please I-"

Dan chuckled softly.

 _This wasn't supposed to be the way I told you. I had it all planned out. I was actually planning on asking you tomorrow, on your birthday_

"Dan save your energy please." Phil spoke rather quickly, not wanting his to pour his heart to the younger boy in front of him. Cracks on his heart started to appear when Dan closed his eyes. His skin seemed paper white and the bruising contrasted his usually soft face.

 _"The soft face I usually imagine holding to my chest"_ Phil thought.

Phil loves everything about Dan.

The way he can never fail to make him smile.

The way his face erupts with such a fondness that it makes his heart that he can't kiss him then and there.

When he erupts with red hue when they accidentally touch and hold each other.

The constant figure of him being stuck to his side like glue never failed to make him feel at ease because well-Dan is home.

He...he loved Dan with his heart ever since he bonded with him, all those years ago.

Dan's hand and head went limp and Phil was abruptly pulled away from his thoughts. He heard distant yelling and alarms but that didn't stop the fear seizing his heart when he couldn't find Dan's pulse anymore.

 _Oh god Dan_

 _DAN_

 _FUCK_

Phil banged his fists against the floor once before he frantically started to cover his wound to stop the blood from flowing more out. He ripped his shirt off of him. His fingers trembled as he kept whispering sweet nothings to Dan as he wrapped him up.

"Dan you're my best friend."

One wrap.

"You're the one that has the beautiful personality."

A second one.

"You have to live, not only for your family but for me, I-"

A third wrap.

"I-I need you."Phil swallowed heavily as he pulled on the wrap one last time.

 _I love you._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Dan smiled to himself and he gathered enough energy to clench his fingers softly around Phil's rather large ones and muster out "I love you too" before slipping into a sea of blackness and never-ending wave of sleep._

 _Dan accepted it with open arms, never hearing Phil's heart stopping yells for him._


	2. Chapter 2

**I Wish I Can Say I'm Fine Without You**

"I can't believe you dragged me out for this."

Dan shuddered as he glanced up to see the starry night sky. The stars dotted the London sky and Dan was at awe of how some stars shone brighter than the usual belt of overcast that the city usually had. To be honest Dan was glad he had come out of his room when Phil popped his head in telling him to come to the biggest window they had to stare at the sky. It was beautiful night-the cool weather being a plus as well. It was the kind of weather you'd take your lazy ass out of the room to feel again.

The chilled feeling of it seeping into Dan's bones made them feel re-energized; the sharp intakes of cold air he took filled Dan's lungs. He slowly exhaled to enjoy the feeling of warm air coming out. " _Now this is feeling good"_ he thought as Phil backed away from the window to shut off the lights to prevent anyone from seeing them and to gain a better and unrestricted view of the unusual clear sky.

Dan's cheeks were dusted red partially from the cold and more so toward the fact that Phil had walked out of the room and brought a blanket for him and Dan to share together. Dan smiled fondly at Phil's gesture. He always love the small things Phil did to take care of them both, his mothering skills only made him more lovable than he already appeared to be.

 _If people only knew…_

Dan smirked and grinned mischievously to himself. He knew better than to take Phil's persona on screen and apply it to real life. Dan cussed more frequently than speaking actual words when he was at home with Phil and unfortunately depending on how Dan looks at it, Phil picked up a few words himself. Dan recalled Phil trying to make a healthy breakfast as a surprise for Dan's birthday but he only succeeded in burning the eggs and the loud _FUCK_ that resonated and reached Dan's ears spurred him awake. He loved the idea of Phil trying to surprise him but he enjoyed the thought of taking care of Phil even better.

 _That was a good day_

"Hey Dan, are you alright?"

Dan was ripped out of his thoughts when Phil nudged his shoulder to gain his attention. Dan blinked and feeling dazed, he turned his head to Phil's direction. There was hardly any room to move anyways and all Dan had to do to be in Phil's personal space was to move an inch closer. Not that Phil cared either way. It was a normal thing for the two of them to be glued to each other's sides anyways.

"What did you say?" Dan questioned.

Phil gave him an odd look. The piercing blue eyes Phil had always had made Dan feel weak to his knees whenever their attention was directed at him. The warm feeling that comes with hanging out with Phil in close proximity never fails to make Dan's heart sing with joy and it sung louder when Phil curled up a little to rest his head on Dan's shoulder as they star gazed together.

"Eh, nothing you just seem a little distracted, that's all." Phil said albeit quietly.

Dan casted a glance down at the man on his shoulder, feeling the slightest bit of shame. He knew Phil wasn't scolding him but telling the truth. Phil was right. Why couldn't he get out of his thoughts for a second and enjoy the moment with Phil? Dan shook his head as a way to get rid of his thoughts for now.

He observed the stars once again and smiled. This was the life. Phil gently extracted himself from his shoulder and Dan leaned away for Phil to get comfortable again. Phil sighed and he pulled the fluffy fleece blanket tighter against his body, taking Dan's portion.

"Hey now…" Dan started but he was cut off by Phil's soft spoken question.

"Danny, is it alright if I curl up in your lap?" Dan heart nearly stopped beating in his chest. The warm feeling in his chest grew uncomfortably hot and the butterflies that danced gently in his stomach increased tenfold when he saw Phil get up and pull the blanket around his shoulders and making himself into a Phil-ritto.

"Sure."

Dan sure hoped the tremor in his voice wasn't noticeable to Phil as it was for him.

Phil let out a small hum as Dan spread his legs to make room for his best friend. Phil plopped himself onto the floor and awkwardly, Dan placed his hands next to his body to feel the carpet that surrounded him. The warmth that Phil gave off was heavenly and it was a nice contrast to the chill he was finally getting tired of. Phil let out a content smile when he heard Dan suck in a quick breath as he finally pressed his back onto Dan's chest.

"You know Dan I don't bite." Phil chuckled when he saw that Dan's hands were clamped to his sides, in sake of not making Phil feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. Phil nudged his hands.

"You can touch me, I don't care,"

Dan laughed when he heard the unintentional double meaning of Phil's words. Phil blushed a bright red and he laughed as he leaned back and pressed his head against Dan's chest. He poked his side and Dan jerked upright, he wasn't expecting Phil to tickle him.

"Phil Lester I swear I'm gonna push you out of this window." Dan whispered-laughed when Phil got a dangerous gleam in his eye; his blue pools of eyes narrowed in a challenge. "Oh, it's on now Danny boy."

Phil tackled Dan to the floor and Dan surrendered easily when Phil found the spot right underneath his left side bottom rib. "Phil! -" Dan gasped out loud when Phil wouldn't stop relentlessly tickling him. Tears sprung in his eyes and Dan using the strength he had, overpowered Phil and used the inertia he created to pin Phil to the carpeted floor. Dan giggled and he eventually when Phil came down of the surprised state he was in, he started to laugh as well.

Dan opened his eyes to see Phil's smile. He made a promise to himself to savor every one of Phil's precious laughs. He knew Phil was self-conscious about the way he laughed but Dan thought his laughs were the most beautiful thing in the world. His eyes scrunched up and made a cute expression and the bright, blinding smile he had on his face made all the torture and guilt of Dan's melt away. The way he chuckled and stuck out his tongue partially was honestly the reason he lived for.

Dan was always awestruck by just how beautiful Phil was. Dan's mind went blank when Phil suddenly stopped laughing and stared directly into Dan's eyes.

His glasses that he wore had slid a bit more down his nose and appeared slightly more crooked from their tussle. Dan's hand twitched as a response to reach up and fix it for him. Dan's face was a mere 4 inches away from Phil's. The window was wide open, leaving the room to be filled with chilly air that made both men shiver from two different feelings. The closeness of the other made them feel light headed and the heavy buzz of _something to be done_ laid heavily in the air.

"Dan..."

"Phil..."

The two leaned closer and finally after heart-stopping moments, their lips touched.

They both pulled back and smiled fondly at each other before nuzzling each other and petting their hair. Dan listened to the sound of their synchronized heartbeats and the white noise that came from the _whooshing_ wind outside made it the perfect moment to tell Phil how he felt.

Dan swallowed his weakness and gathered every morsel of courage he had left in his body.

"Phil I-"

.

.

.

.

.

.

"-love you"

Dan woke up in a rush as he panted in his dark room, clutching his racing heart. Cold sweat ran down his back as he shuffled in his covers to calm his heartbeat. The weight of the dream pressed heavily on his soul. It was the last good memory he had of Phil before he-

Dan's eyes suddenly started to water as he saw his window open, his curtains fluttering in the wind. He scrambled to his window and forced it shut, he didn't care if his mother came rushing in to see why he was up. The walls started to spin and his vision danced with white spots when he struggled to take a breath. His head felt like someone had taken a ice pick and struck it through his head.

 _No Phil_

 _There is none_

 _Get it straight Dan_

Dan flicked on the lights and immediately went towards his medications on his dresser that he had to take. He had completely forgotten to take them before going to bed.

 _That explains the dreams dumb ass._

Dan squeezed his eyes shut as he forcibly opened the top of the pill bottle. He popped two in his mouth and swallowed them with the water bottle he had on his dresser for his hallucination medication.

 _SHUT UP_

Dan fell to the floor and hugged his knees. He never wanted so much in his life to make the voices stop.

 _Phil this_

 _Phil that_

 _I was never the same after the accident with the window, I never intended to lean over the rail to get a good look at the stars_

An airy laugh filled the room and Dan paused to hear it. It was painfully familiar, like an echo of a past he should have been accustomed to. Teh soft pressure against his cheek was alarming but he felt oddly calm as invisible hands traced his face.

It's painful losing someone, but-

It's more painful losing someone you feel like you should know but never remember them.

Dan sobbed when the hands stopped their stroking.

"Come back, please." He croaked out, the hands were familiar and reminded him of home but he didn't know why.

It hurts to think about someone you feel like you know but never met.


	3. Chapter 3

**You Feel Colder Than Usual**

 ** _Where Dan has attachment issues_**

Dan wasn't happy at all. No-it wasn't because he was being a big baby about something (although he has to say there are times when he acts like it, he admits) and no it wasn't because of a crisis he has with himself. There's no immediate thing in the universe now that's affecting him (currently).

No-

It was because of _her_

Dan wasn't known to be rude in first impressions but he couldn't help to be the slightest bit bristled by the fact that Phil constantly made _their_ plans to include _her._ Going out to enjoy a monthly shopping trip so they can relax? _Nope._ Anime marathons to indulge on while binging on snacks and Maltsters? No. Phil always invited her to their get-togethers and frankly Dan was sick of it. All he wanted as his best friend back.

Dan sighed heavily as he ran a hand through his hobbit hair. Today was supposed to be the day that Phil and him filmed the current PINOF 9 that fans were so desperate to have them make and to be honest, Dan always looked forward to making these silly situations a reality and having both of them make more fools out of themselves.

"It'll be my luck Leia decides to come." He said out loud and to no one in particular.

 _Great._

 _I'm starting to sound like a lunatic._

 _"You can't be one if you already are."_ His mind contributed helpfully.

Dan gathered all the materials they needed to film, making sure to be extra careful with the equipment since it was a new camera that they purchased as the one they had originally was broken by Phil's girlfriend.

 _God, how long does it take Phil to get his sweater from Leia?_

Dan checked the time again to see once again how long Phil had disappeared for. Phil left around one o' clock to get his sweater back from Leia's house so they can film once he gets back and prepare the questions that were appropriate to do online for their viewers. 1/10 of the time they got questions saying to kiss on camera or do someone lewd like take off a piece of clothing as a dare. Luckily, most of the fans weren't like that but Dan knew better than to get his hopes up that this time there wouldn't be questions like that.

The clock chimmed and the sounds of the seconds ticked away started to set onto the fact that Phil was so late. Dan clenched his jaw as he moved the equipment to Phil's room since it was by far the cleanest of the house currently. He tried to ignore the heavy feeling of disappointment that settled in his stomach but when he glanced around Phil's room and locked eyes with pictures of Leia and Phil smiling at the camera and the bright colors, his sprits plummeted to a bottom low.

Dan pulled his phone from his back pocket and fumbled with his lock screen before quickly sending a text to Phil saying if he'll be back soon.

 **To:** **Phil**

 **Hey it's almost time for u and I to film where are u? Can't do this by myself :P**

Dan hoped he would see the text sooner rather than later.

 _It's not like this happens a lot anyways_

He worked diligently until everything was ready. The cameras were propped up and the lighting booths they had to make it appear as if it were actual light sat a foot away from the camera. When he stepped back to admire his work that he did all by himself, both a feeling of happiness and dread settled upon him. He was glad that soon Phil will come home and soon enough they'll be spending quality time that they have missed out on but a nervous part of him was worried that Phil would bring Leia to see how they filmed their videos.

Dan didn't quite necessarily _hate_ Leia per say, he just hated the fact that when Phil meet her, the fantastic duo was finally made a fantastic trio that Dan wanted no part in. He tried at first getting to know her better as a person to see if they had anything in common and generally get to know her, but all that he picked up from her is that while she wasn't too much into gaming she did have a great sense of style in music, Dan could appreciate the fact that she liked Fall out Boy and Muse. She is very kind and an interesting person in general but he just couldn't shake the fact that he disliked her immensely.

A voice in the back of Dan's mind piped saying:

 _What if the real reason you don't like her is because you like Phil dufus_

Dan's breathing hitched. This was never a topic he dwelled on for too long because it was uncomfortable for him to think about Phil as more than a friend. Phil is his best friend and the only person Dan can call family at this point. There's stability and the stronger than superglue relationship they had together was something that Dan never wanted to ruin because of his stupid petty feelings he harbored for Phil since the moment they talked together.

Even if it broke his heart a little every time Phil rainchecks their hangouts to make last minute plans with Leia. Maybe it was his loneliness talking or maybe it was jealousy but he hated himself for not being able to support Leia's and Phil's relationship. Dan sighed again. This is exactly the last thing he needed before they had to film PINOF. He didn't want to act all sad and apparently Dan's emotions are surprisingly easy to read-even if he fakes it. If he keeps acting like the way he is, people on the internet would know there's something wrong with him.

As much as he loved his fans, he couldn't take anymore "Phan Proof" or "Heart Eyes Howell" anymore without making his chest hurt. Yes, he knew when they filmed they tended to hit on each other but that just comes from years of being best friends, something he figured most people do with their best friends. Their playful banter just comes from their bond and they reciprocate it because both of them know they don't mean it.

Except for when Dan _does_ mean it.

He wants to be able to make Phil flustered when he hits on him.

He wants to be able to wrap Phil in a big hug and not have it be weird for him to question it but Dan knows Phil's too nice to have told someone to sop touching him.

He wants to be able to complement Phil on how amazing and _truly_ explain to him on how Dan is the lucky one to have Phil in his life without making Phil think he may like him.

A shrill tone shredded the solemn mood of his thoughts and Dan wasn't sure if he was thankful or mad that he was finally on the urge of discovering something about how he felt for Phil. He recognized the tone as his ringtone for Phil and he scurried around Phil's room to locate where the sound was emitting from.

 _Crap why do I have to lose everything last minute!_

Dan panicked and threw off Phil covers and when he heard the loud _thud_ he found his phone on the floor. Dan quickly reached for the buzzing phone, and answered it immediately with his usual greeting.

Hey Phil, what's up _?_ Dan questioned. A flood of relief came when he heard Phil's deep voice come from within his phone.

 _Dan I might get home late, Leia had me meet her parents since they were in town. I left my phone charging since it fell out of its charging port last night so I couldn't answer your text till now._

Dan's smile dropped from his face and his stomach clenched uneasily.

"Oh, is that so." He drawled on.

 _Yeah, I'm so sorry Dan, I'll be there as soon as I can so we can film and then catch up on watching anime together like we usually do on Friday nights. How does that sound to you?_

Dan nodded his head slowly even though Phil couldn't' see it. A small ray of hope pooled into his stomach and he couldn't help but feel as if it was going to be ok between the two of them. Dan's bright smile shone on his face again.

"It's a deal Phil; make sure to bring some Maltsters' on your way home, I think we ran out last time." Phil let out an unsuspected laugh.

" _Anything for you, but I gotta go. I'll see you soon ok?"_

Dan nodded his head in acceptance.

"I'll wait for you then."

The click that sounded from his phone meant the phone call ended but Dan didn't care. This was the best news he's gotten in a few weeks. He was finally spending some time doing something he enjoyed with his best friend. He grinned and Dan turned around and hopped on Phil's bed, feeling elated as ever. Even though he couldn't have Phil, Leia couldn't touch the unmistakable bond between them. Phil never had once broken a promise to him before.

For that he was sure.

.

.

.

.

It was perhaps midnight when Dan heard the door to their apartment open. Dan was too exhausted, mentally and physically, to even care how he looked like at this point. His eyes were a blood red and his hair was tousled by the many times he ran his hand through his hair to calm himself down and reassure himself that Phil would be back in time for them to hang out. By 8 o clock Dan had laid in his bed and listened to loud music to drown his thoughts away but that only worked for so long before the suffocating thought for Phil abandoning him came into his head.

Once those negative thoughts entered his brain, an unexpected sob exited out of him. Dan didn't know what to do. He was afraid of losing Phil and his imagination did nothing to reassure him, it just ran loose of all his insecurities he had with himself run rampant through his mind.

His twitter feed exploded with a mix of concerned, confused, and angry fans who were expecting the PINOF video tonight and Dan didn't have the energy in himself to provide a valid reason why they weren't able to upload anything tonight.

 _Wait till how they react to Phil's girlfriend_

 _That'll be a real show to the Phan shippers_

Dan groaned into his pillow. He hated the feeling of being replaced in anything and this was no different. What stung more is that Phil promised.

"Dan?"

Dan's breathing stopped when he heard Phil at his doorway. He hadn't noticed Phil even made his way to his room. Dan willed his body to relax and he forced himself in a comfortable position just as Phil flicked on the lights to his room.

"Phil, he's asleep now. There isn't any rush to tell him, it can wait till tomorrow."

Dan's eyes shot open. Luckily he had his back towards Phil so they wouldn't see him awake but that did nothing of the sort to hide that his whole body tensed uncontrollably.

"I can't wait till he finds out you proposed to me, he'll be so proud of you."

Lightning could've struck down and paralyzed him and then killed him but that still wouldn't have hurt as much as the blinding waved of betrayal and hurt that washed over him in racking waves.

 _This is it_

 _He doesn't trust me anymore_

Dan closed his eyes to stop tears that threatened to fall once more. He was beyond hurt that Phil didn't bother to tell him any of these details. His heart felt like someone had taken a club and started to beat it with it. Finally, after agonizing moments, Phil and Leia closed the door, their exciting whispering clearly evident even beyond the closed door.

.

.

.

Silence.

That's all Dan has known for the last few weeks.

He stopped bothering to take care of himself, only dragging himself into the shower when he could actually smell the sweat coming off him in a strong iron stench. He forgets to eat sometimes but whenever Phil sometimes comes and to check up on him, the pitying look he gives him whenever he cooks something from scratch and Dan refuses to eat it saying he wasn't hungry. Dan was sick of himself. He should be happy for them, but after putting up fake smiles for their wedding and salutes, the walls were dropped and he spent almost every night crying over what he lost with Phil.

He was so sure that maybe- with a bit of luck- Phil had at least thought of him as more of a friend but those were silly thought when he brought Leia over one day and said they were seeing each other. Dan thinks that's where everything started.

Now, he just wallows over his _could've been his lifetime_ with Phil. Dan thinks there's no one else in the world that can even compare to Phil.

 **Hey guys/gals/non binary pals, wow my first author's note for this fanfic. Whoops.**

 **Anyways I have a favor to ask of ya'll. Writing sure is fun, but gathering inspiration from other people is even better- so my question is: What do you all want to see in this? What scenarios do you want our duo to be in? Should I bring in more people in?**

 **Ahem. Well, that's all. I really hope you enjoy this, I've really never had written angst before so this is new territory. Drop me a question if you have any and leave a review so I can continue to get better!**

 **See you till the next update!**


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